This is a radical concept – kindness – but since witnessing several incidents with a lack of it at recent networking events, I thought it time to address this issue. Kindness, and the art of making others look good.
Sponsor note: Every Friday, I mention one of the sponsors of the Fabulous 50 Nationwide Tour. Today it is Cardinal Coffee. It is my coffee of choice. Although I live in the Seattle area, I order from Cardinal Coffee in Portland, OR. They roast each batch as you order it – what could be fresher than that? Plus, it is delicious. The Fabulous 50 Tour IS fueled by Cardinal Coffee – why not try a bag for yourself? —————————————
Back to kindness – I have noticed this at three different membership events – people in cliques and not connecting with stragglers or, as my friends at Shepa Learning call, wallflowers. So first things first – if you are at a meeting or event of some type and see someone standing by themselves, by all means – talk to them! Or simply acknowledge them! It is so important for a visitor or new person to feel welcome.
A second issue is in how people interract with you when they DO connect. A few weeks ago, I was at a networking event and it was the very first time I had been to this group – EVER. I was unfamiliar with the group so I asked about where I should sit, and was told to sit “anywhere”. I chose a great spot up front, and proceeded to set up a marketing table. Soon, a woman from the organization came up to me, which was great because I wanted to get to know more people in this organization. Instead of talking to me about the group, she told me I “had to move my stuff, because I had set it at the head table.” – period. Ouch. I rushed over to where I had set my coat and other stuff, and as I was about to grab it, a woman glared at me, and asked me if I was Lori Richardson. I told her I was, and then she said to me, in an exasperated voice,
“Good – because you were sitting in my guest’s seat.”
Now I already got my hand slapped for sitting in the wrong spot (after asking where to sit, mind you). It turns out that this nice person who just chewed me further was actually the speaker. Oh, and she is a leadership trainer.
Ha – I thought…. leadership?? You can imagine my feelings about whether I would ever refer that person.
Someone from the organization heard what happened and nervously apologized, saying to me that this was the speaker, and she is probably nervous.
What?
Not sure if anyone noticed I was a GUEST, and probably looking for an organization that I would enjoy and be welcomed at. Before I left, I did make a point to thank the one person who attempted to help make me feel welcome there.
So yesterday – it happened again. Different group – different people.
I was asked by someone who is part of the luncheon team to speak with the president of the organization, even though they had sat down to their luncheon. I didn’t want to interrupt, but was encouraged to do so by this luncheon team member.
I’m not sure why this happened, but I suspect that the president might have been focused on the moment – and when she saw us approach her table – did a huge body turn and told ME that she’d talk to me “over there” – pointing to another area.
How did I feel? Like a kid who was supposed to be sitting at the kids table, not the adults. I felt that she thought I was unworthy of her time and interrupting her head table. It’s funny that the speaker that day is a colleague of mine and was waving for me to sit down with them. Of course I didn’t. I did speak with the organization leader away from everyone. Her tone was harsh with me, and I felt she didn’t listen to me. She was put off. Who was I to interrupt? Did she realize that this was actually an organizational issue, and that I was actually a guest? After driving two hours to get there, I felt devastated and unwelcome.
I retreated to the lobby while the event was going on, and I could hear the speakers presentation. I had hoped to video record her as a gift – but again, did not feel welcome to be in the room.
Why would you be a part of an organization that did not welcome strangers / guests / occasional visitors? I have no idea. I can logically chalk these events up to nerves – but what I’d like to tell these folks is this:
Have a plan “B” for when you are surprised by something. As a fundraising auctioneer, weird things always happen. People interrupt me right on stage when I am “in the zone” and needing to focus. I have to be gracious – these are the donors, volunteers, and hard working people making an event happen. Perhaps I have come to think that everyone can “think on their feet” – so I’d just suggest some time to plan before a comment is made that can’t be taken back – or a feeling is given out that can’t be taken back.
Whew. NOW I feel better.
Lori Richardson is on a “Fabulous 50-50-50-50″ tour around the U.S. and parts of Canada. If you know of a town she should visit, or a local expert she can co-present with, drop her a note. Set your big audacious goals and post them for the world to see – then take action on them. More on Lori and the tour at Score More Sales.
